smiling couple looking at each other

A crucial distinction that needs to be clarified is that orgasm or the feeling of reaching a climax during sexual intercourse is a mental event – it all happens takes place in your brain, notwithstanding the overwhelming physical sensations that are also experienced. When couples attempt to discuss the idea of delayed ejaculation, they often tend to erroneously equate these two distinctive events with each other. If you want to know more about delayed ejaculation, the facts can be found here. Contrary to generally accepted perceptions, orgasm and ejaculation are two entirely separate events!

What is ejaculation?

Ejaculation, however, is a purely physical reaction that is induced by sufficient stimulation to the penis and other pleasure points such as the nipples and the base of the scrotum. Science has not yet identified the exact spot sexual orgasm occurs inside the brain, but much is known about the neural pathways through which the physical function of ejaculation is precipitated.

For anyone interested, one theory is that when erotic pleasure gets to a certain point, the flow of ejaculatory fluids close to the end of your urethra concentrates the pressure at the root of the erect organ, and this, in turn, triggers an entire set of reflex reactions including the movement of the pubococcygeal muscle. The involuntary nervous system is at full play as far as ejaculation is concerned, while sexual arousal is confined to the sympathetic nervous system.

Delayed ejaculation

As it is, the medical profession has long been acquainted with delayed ejaculation and evolution of the name given to this peculiar function probably represents in a very real sense, the research establishment’s evolving understanding of the condition: ejaculatory incompetence, ejaculatory over-control, retarded ejaculation, and finally delayed ejaculation.

The evolving nomenclature is illustrative of, at least in my mind, a new and increasingly sympathetic attitude for the men whose sex lives are somehow impaired by their inability to ejaculate in a timely way during sexual intercourse.

As you may know, many of these men can climax regularly from masturbation. Given this quaint data, scientists suggest that there might be a correlation between a couple’s relationship status with the inability to reach orgasm and ejaculate in the course of engaging in sex. However, one must exercise an ample dose of caution when seeking an explanation in the relationship between sexual partners.

Why men can’t ejaculate?

There’s ample reason to conclude that the failure to ejaculate during oral sex with a partner, intercourse with a partner, or even masturbation by a partner, merely represents the fact that none of these arrangements provides a higher level of stimulation that an individual may be accustomed to apply to his organ in the act of masturbating on his own.

We know that the body can be conditioned to respond to some unique levels of stimulation, so it’s inherently logical to initially find out whether or not the delayed ejaculation issue is simply because the man by himself, can perform harsh, rough, or high-frequency pressure during self-pleasuring, in a way that is not stimulated during sexual activity with a partner.

How to deal with delayed ejaculations?

If the cause of the condition is as simple as this, the cure will lie in reconditioning the body, the penis and the mind, to respond to a slightly altered style of pleasuring of the kind that can bring about a climax during sexual intercourse.

In many instances, counsellors and sex therapists tend to take the view that the relationship is often the cause of delayed ejaculation.

There’s sufficient ground for this assumption. In my years of working as a therapist, I’ve met sex partners who have become increasingly hostile to each other and have reduced intimacy to such a degree that the man no longer enjoys sex, but in fact resents it, whilst at the same time, being unable to reach out to his partner and start a mature conversation to find the resolution of these difficulties.

And even if there isn’t resentment, antagonism, or any other negative feelings on the part of the male towards the woman, there is, as some studies show, a specific type of individual who is often a natural sufferer of delayed ejaculation.

When one reads the scientific literature, this individual profile is most certainly a man who is somehow detached from his personal process of sexual arousal, who frequently is unable to realize just how aroused he is during sexual activity, who often considers sexual activity as some obligation for which he is responsible, who regards himself as responsible for his female partner’s pleasure, and who is convinced that her pleasure must be considered first and is the priority during sex. These persons generally, whether expressed or not, perceive themselves as the “workhorse of sex”, grinding on (sometimes to no avail) to steer sex to a satisfying conclusion.

An important factor in this kind of set-up is that the majority of the partners of males in this situation are often unmotivated about sex, and have an expectation that the male is somehow responsible for their sexual pleasure. The truth is, they are without a doubt responsible for their pleasure. In instances like this, it’s imperative to help and provide instructions to the sex partners and make available some actionable sexual information. This way, their expectations and beliefs about sex and sexual gratification are steered closer to reality.

Furthermore, it is noticeable that males who have this kind of subservient sexual profile tend to have a lack of awareness of their gradations of pleasure. Often there seems to be some kind of gap, or a veritable vacuum, in their sexual maturity, in such a way that they have rendered dependent their process of sexual arousal with the outside dynamics of having sexual intercourse with a partner.

What can be gleaned from all these is that their internal sexual paradigm somehow doesn’t function as a source of sexual stimulus and pleasure: they are left in a frustrating cloud of sexual confusion in which they propose to engage in sexual intercourse without all the emotional and physical tools that are important for the sex act to be a pleasurable and intimate exercise.

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